but I guess I feel like rambling cause it’s been a while since I’ve done so.
I’ve entered a state of equilibrium (I think this is the right word) since NS started. My life has come to a stand still.
I have no time for things and things have no time for me anymore. I want to have more time for things and things to have more time for me. But it’s best that when I have time for things, in that same timeslot, things will be free for me.
It’s okay if you don’t know what I mean, cause we both know that things will be fine, with or without me.
Yes, that’s how bloody insignificant I am.
To sum up this blog post, I’ve only one thing t(w)o say, (three words four you.. hahaha): Richard of york gave battle in vain.
And here’s two of the best songs ever. Combined into one. It’s like value-packed. Enjoy the sales promotion, guys.
Been feeling irritable. Like something’s not right with my life. Like I’m feeling empty inside (with the exemption of nicotine and whatever)
Might be the pending NS letter which hasn’t been here yet.
Might be the fact that I’m still pissed I screwed up my elective sem.
Might be something else.
Maybe it’s because I have no direction in my life right now, so many choices but I don’t want to make any right now. Am in no shape nor condition to do so.
I believe they have a word for this…. what exactly is it?
Hurt & Loss. These two things are similar, like Hoes and Boats.
You see, because you’ve been hurt or because you’ve lost something, you become afraid to try or even hope (yes, I’ve used “you” 4 times in this sorry excuse for a sentence – shoot me).
You think, “no way in hell am I going back there again, no way I wanna be that fucked up again”.
You get locked up in your hellhole; you pushed everyone/someone/everything away from you; you get a distraction (i.e. playing LAN, starting to smoke, clubbing, drinking, having sex every night etc) to occupy your mind.
And then one day, you get weak or adventurous (very extreme I know) and you say, “hey let’s give it a try again” and next thing you know, you’re falling at terminal velocity again (don’t know if that actually makes sense).
And when you hit the bottom, you scream in pain thinking why the fuck did you take the leap (My favourite quote in Hitch explains it all: because that’s what people do. They leap, and hope to God they can fly, because otherwise you just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down, why in the *hell* did I jump? But here I am, Sarah, falling, and the only one that makes me feel like I can fly… is you. )
And I guess that’s it. It’s the promise of flight that entices you, spurs you on to do the unthinkable. Thus, my advice to you and myself is that don’t stop believing in whatever and do the right thing.
And to end this post that does not make sense (with more emphasize on what goes on in the brackets instead), here’s Journey with Don’t Stop Believin’.
Well, it’s been a terry-bly (I like to spell “terrible” and its variants with a “y” now) long time since i’ve last blogged. And here’s something to sum up the year. Similar to what I’ve done last year but long (cause I was emo last year and still am).
1. I’ve finished with the lowest GPA I’ve ever got of 2.75. Fall from grace eh?
2. Doing my “Dream Attachment” at S&S now. Learn a lot of life skills on the way and lost a bit of my life along the way. Oh oh oh, also won the first pitch of my career.
3. Went to Bangkok with a bunch of buddies, first time going overseas with my friends alone.
4. Finished 3 seasons of My Date with a Vampire in 1 month. Dude, I don’t know how I did it.
5. Have’t given up on Love and on Life (yet), two of the greatest four letter L words other then Lose.
6. Became a Mambo and Mahjong addict.
7. Smoked for a year now. About time to stop.
8. Got my driving license.
As I write my 20th Chapter of my life beginning one month from now, I shall make resolutions for 2009 and stick to solving them. I am never a believer of resolutions cause I know I’ll NEVER fulfil them, but we shall see.
1. Travel before NS
2. Transit into NS without being to sore about it.
3. Try not to become an NS Junkie
4. Donate Blood (this has been on my list for the past 2 years)
5. Perform an acoustic set, somewhere somehow. yes, before NS.
6. Find some direction for my life after NS.
7. Give up smoking, or at least try. (Yes, Tim, you can start laughing now.)
8. Support Everton no matter what happens. Even if they buy Dirk Kuyt or Mohd Sissoko or Daniel Bennett.
9. Continue dissing Liverpool fans.
10. Live.
2008 rating: 5/10 – Not much better then 2007.
2009 forecast: Bad. Look at the times I’ve mentioned NS in my resolutions.
Thanks for listening to me ramble about my mundane life, and oh yea,
Not when you’re drunk though. You need a friend for that.
I’m on alcohol when I’m typing this, so pardon the possible incoherence.
You know, you can never get the same feeling from another thing. It’s like when you get drunk at mambo and when you get drunk at zouk on saturday, it’s not that same thing.
When you love a girl so much, you can’t just find it by dating another. It’s just so fucking painful, but when I see her, it’s okay all over again. It’s like, it all matters and it is all worth it.
Read between the lines, my dear.
Cheers to life. Viva la vida.
Oh by the way, life is a cruel thing. Things are never fair. Never.
Also, people whom you least expect will give you a lift when you least expect it. Lift as in emotionally instead of the car kind. Thank you Dot for the talk we had (though you’re probably never find my blog)
Random: I was listening to my songs halfway when kian’s voice came in and sold me loreal volume shocking mascara. Miss those days.
Anyways, here’s a nice song, from James Morrison.
This boy wants to play,
There’s no time left today,
It’s a shame ’cause he has to go home.
This boy’s got to work
Got to sweat just to pay what he gets to get left all alone.
Well let’s step outside,
Let’s go for a ride,
Just for a while.
No we won’t get caught,
Well that’s what I thought, until we cry.
Chorus
I’m still here,
But it hasn’t been easy,
I’m sure that you had your reasons,
I’m scared for this emotion,
For years I’ve been holding it down,
For years I’ve been holding it down.
This girl tries her best everyday,
But it’s all gone to waste ’cause there’s no one around,
This girl she can draw she can paint,
Likes to dance she can skate,
Now she don’t make a sound.
We?ll play in our park,
‘Till it’s too dark for us to see
Well we’ll make our way home,
With mud on our clothes,
She won’t be pleased.
Chorus
I’m still here,
But it hasn’t been easy,
I’m sure that you had your reasons,
I’m scared for this emotion,
For years I’ve been holding it down,
And I,
Love to forgive and forget,
So I,
Try to put all this behind us,
Just,
Know that my arms are wide open,
The older I get, the more that I know.
Well it’s time to let this go.
I got to let it go
I got to let it go
I got to let it go
I got to let it go
Chorus
I’m still here,
But it hasn’ been easy,
I’m sure that you had your reasons,
I’m scared for this emotion,
For years I’ve been holding it down,
And I,
Love to forgive and forget,
So I,
Try to put all this behind us,
Just,
Know that my arms are wide open,
The older I get, the more that I know.
And I,
Love to forgive and forget,
So I,
Try to put all this behind us,
Just,
Know that my arms are wide open,
The older I get, the more that I know.
