They say

you can’t fall anylower when you’re at the bottom of the valley.

I say, Oh yes you can.

Lights will guide you home.

Not when you’re drunk though. You need a friend for that.

I’m on alcohol when I’m typing this, so pardon the possible incoherence.

You know, you can never get the same feeling from another thing. It’s like when you get drunk at mambo and when you get drunk at zouk on saturday, it’s not that same thing.

When you love a girl so much, you can’t just find it by dating another. It’s just so fucking painful, but when I see her, it’s okay all over again. It’s like, it all matters and it is all worth it.

Read between the lines, my dear.

Cheers to life. Viva la vida.

Oh by the way, life is a cruel thing. Things are never fair. Never.

Also, people whom you least expect will give you a lift when you least expect it. Lift as in emotionally instead of the car kind. Thank you Dot for the talk we had (though you’re probably never find my blog)

One more thing, you know I love you so.

History.

Random: I was listening to my songs halfway when kian’s voice came in and sold me loreal volume shocking mascara. Miss those days.

Anyways, here’s a nice song, from James Morrison.

This boy wants to play,
There’s no time left today,
It’s a shame ’cause he has to go home.

This boy’s got to work
Got to sweat just to pay what he gets to get left all alone.

Well let’s step outside,
Let’s go for a ride,
Just for a while.
No we won’t get caught,
Well that’s what I thought, until we cry.

Chorus
I’m still here,
But it hasn’t been easy,
I’m sure that you had your reasons,
I’m scared for this emotion,
For years I’ve been holding it down,
For years I’ve been holding it down.

This girl tries her best everyday,
But it’s all gone to waste ’cause there’s no one around,
This girl she can draw she can paint,
Likes to dance she can skate,
Now she don’t make a sound.

We?ll play in our park,
‘Till it’s too dark for us to see
Well we’ll make our way home,
With mud on our clothes,
She won’t be pleased.

Chorus
I’m still here,
But it hasn’t been easy,
I’m sure that you had your reasons,
I’m scared for this emotion,
For years I’ve been holding it down,

And I,
Love to forgive and forget,
So I,
Try to put all this behind us,
Just,
Know that my arms are wide open,
The older I get, the more that I know.

Well it’s time to let this go.
I got to let it go
I got to let it go
I got to let it go
I got to let it go

Chorus
I’m still here,
But it hasn’ been easy,
I’m sure that you had your reasons,
I’m scared for this emotion,
For years I’ve been holding it down,

And I,
Love to forgive and forget,
So I,
Try to put all this behind us,
Just,
Know that my arms are wide open,
The older I get, the more that I know.

And I,
Love to forgive and forget,
So I,
Try to put all this behind us,
Just,
Know that my arms are wide open,
The older I get, the more that I know.

I love big brother.

Ooh, you see that skin?
It’s the same she’s been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she’s left cleaning up the mess he made.

I feel like winston smith in 1984.

I’ve just committed thoughtcrime.

The man without a plan

My life has been pretty eventful of late.

Other than the fact that I have been going on drinking binges and meeting up with random people whom’s name I just randomly scroll to in my phonebook, I have been doing my internship.

Yes, I may whine and complain to a few of my friends regarding my internship. About how I am made to do brainless work and am the bottom of the food chain in the office.

However, this experience at the company that I’m attached to made me “find myself” (literal translation from the chinese phrase “找自己“ which basically means do some “soul searching”).

I pride myself on being someone with a plan, (well at least for the next 5 years of my life).

When my results for the past semester came, I realised that I didn’t really have plan for the next 5 years at all. I’m like a lost teenager finding my way through life.

In the words of Kakashi (masked guy from naruto): I lost my way on the road of life.

Do I really want to work in advertising? or I have been psycho-ing myself so much that I don’t really know what I want anymore?

Some people say, do something you enjoy, and it will not feel like working. Dude, I say, do that something you love everyday and you will not enjoy it anymore.

This is one of the long posts that don’t make sense. Pretty much like the random stuff that ruiming pits me against in “Ivan or”.

However, instead of Ivan or, this is Ivan AGAINST world. Not making sense I know.

You see, I have friends that have found love in what they do. Stanley enjoys mugging and is on his way to becoming the next prime minister of singapore. Ruiming enjoys writing and being weird and he has found his way in journalism.

I don’t know what I can do. I love music, I love films, I love a good story. I love plotlines. Like all teenagers do. But I think that being a copywriter/andthuscreativedirectorlater might be the best career path that I could take (as compared to my original one of being a film director).

And here I am in an agency doing my internship in “accounts servicing”. Not complaining, but I wished I could be so much more involved in shaping campaigns. Have to say this, my favourite part of my job scope is assisting the planners, only then I feel my input is really appreciated.

What’s my point? I don’t know. I really don’t. Just that I feel so fucked suddenly now that I don’t know if I’m even going to do university/Miami ad school/whatever. I don’t have a plan anymore.

But I believe, I believe that somehow, someday, I’ll live the life I wanna live.

Someday.